Last night I had the chance to visit with a Ruidoso friend whom I haven’t seen this summer. She said that they hadn’t been able to come up because both her mother and her mother-in-law had begun to have health problems that required her and her husband to need to be close to home. She said, “You know you work to get your kids raised and to have some financial security and you kind of think you can just ease along in life and then you find out you need to take care of your parents.” There wasn’t any self-pity or anger associated with her statement. It’s just the truth for most of us in my age bracket.
The reason for our move to the Abilene area was for Jacky to be closer to his mom and step-father. While they are extremely independent and certainly don’t need our help now, we know that at some time they will. His step-father is currently undergoing radiation and chemo. They haven’t needed Jacky’s help so far but I know it is comforting to everyone, including Jacky, to be close enough if the need arises. I feel extremely blessed that we were able to move to Midland and I could be close to my parents in their last few years. I am thankful for God’s provision in that every day.
If you are there, or are getting there I have 3 pieces of advice for you, or maybe 4. First of all, enjoy the time you have with your parents. Secondly, take care of yourself. If you don’t, you won’t be able to look back and have fond memories. Don’t think you have to be at their beck and call 24/7. Make sure they are safe and well-cared for, just as you did your children when they were little. You can not take care of them or help them out when you are mentally and physically exhausted. Ask for help when you need it. Third, keep (or get) a sense of humor. You’re going to need it. Fourth, pray always.
With the sense of humor in mind, I will tell you another story about my mother in the nursing home. She had smoked cigarettes since she was a teen. When we took her to the doctor she always told them she didn’t smoke or she was quitting. My brother and I would tell her to keep smoking if she enjoyed it. We figured the damage was done and she didn’t have cancer. I went to see her 1 day and suggested we go sit outside and visit. She told me to stop and get her cigarettes and lighter from the nursing station. After we got outside she said, “I would quit smoking but you can only go outside if you smoke.” I’ve told all of my friends we have to take up smoking before we go to a nursing home. Actually I understand why she thought that. Sadly, no one ever went outside except to smoke, so unless things change we might actually have to take it up.
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
Candy, You are so spot on as usual. You hit on the points right on target. It is interesting how you move from being a parent to your children to being your parent’s parent. Challenging at times. Thanks for always providing such good advice.