How I Got Here

I had a birthday this week. I turned 62 but I’m turning that around to be 26 this year I think. I really do wish I could give my 26 year old self some advice. It’s kind of like that Brad Paisley song “Letter to Me”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ3bn7V0zdU

So what would I tell myself? I have a long list but I will just list a few of them here:

1. Let God in…life will be so much more joyful if you do.
2. Pray for patience before He gifts you with the 2 boys you are going to have.
3. Pray incessantly. God hears, and not only that but He actually wants you to talk to Him.
4. Thank God every day for Jacky and put him 2nd, after God in your life.
5. Appreciate your parents. They aren’t going to live forever and they really aren’t as “old” as you perceive them to be.
6. Share your knowledge with others. Just because you know something doesn’t mean everyone does.
7. Finish your Master’s degree. You’ll be glad you put in the extra time and work.
8. Tell the people whom you love that you love them every time you talk to them.
9. Appreciate the time you have with your boys. Spend time just playing with them for as long as they want because the time will come when they won’t want that. The laundry can wait and sandwiches or cereal for supper is ok.
10. Quit worrying about what other people think of you and look for the good in everyone.

My boys were almost grown before I really let God into my life. I had been saved in my teens but I didn’t really “get” the let Jesus be your boss part. I don’t think anyone ever told me that. I was a Christian and I know I was saved for eternity but I wasn’t really saved for this life. I hope that’s not confusing. I had some friends in high school who just lived their lives a little differently and they were always so joyful, even when things weren’t going well. I wanted to be like them and I thought I just needed to try harder, assert more will power, read the Bible every night, go to church more, etc. Even into adulthood I would have bouts of regret, shame, and fear and just thought I was a bad person and I should just try harder. I taught Sunday school and worked at VBS and did all the things I thought God wanted me to do. I didn’t understand until I was in my 50’s that everything I wanted was absolutely free and I didn’t have to “do” anything. God wanted to give me that freedom, I just had to open my heart to Him and ask.

How did I finally get to that point? Through a lot of pain, fear, worry, anger, shame, guilt, etc. I’m not going to go into detail except to just say that I looked good on the outside but the truth of my life is that it was falling apart. Some counseling from my pastor at the time, a lot of prayer, and me getting into a Bible Study and really seeing what God had wanted me to see all along changed my life. It didn’t happen overnight. I’m still learning. I’m not sure how I survived or have any family or friends left in the world before I really let God be my Father and called on the gift of the Holy Spirit to change me. It was all about “me” and what I wanted for my family and myself.

I’m not by any means perfect now and I still revert back to my “me-ness” pretty often but He always pulls me back. I am far from perfect. I am a hipocrite who continues to judge others, gossip, curse, get greedy and jealous, lose my temper, etc. but as the children’s song says “God’s Still Working on Me”. The difference is that I am allowing Him to work on me and asking that He does and knowing that I am forgiven when I ask and repent.

I try not to live in fear and worry. He doesn’t want us to and Jesus died to take that from us. I actually serve Him more now but not out of obligation or in “trying” to be a better person but in response to His love and grace.

I pray that everyone who reads this is living with the same hope and joy that I do. If you aren’t, pray about it and really let the Holy Spirit lead you. Talk to your pastor or someone that you know who lives by His grace or reach out to me. I love you, my friends, and I want peace and joy for you all. More than that, I want you to know that you know that you know that you will live in eternity with Jesus.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law Galatians 5:22-23