Strong vs.Weak

I’m actually not going to write anything about Corona Virus today. That’s all we talk about now, isn’t it. I’m sure I will write about it some more, but not today. I need a break from talking about it.

Every year at the end of our BSF Bible study we have “share day” where the women talk about how they have seen God working in their lives during the year of our study. I have actually never stood up and shared. Not because I haven’t grown and hopefully changed but because that would mean people would be watching me and listening to me. This year since things are so different we are being asked to write about it. I thought I might as well just share with everyone.

We studied Acts of the Apostles but much more than just that book. We also studied Paul’s letters to the Corinthians, Peter, Thessalonians, and we just ended with James. So what is my biggest take away? I have always thought of Paul as such a strong Christian man, such a great leader, and a stalwart of faith. What I learned though is that Paul wasn’t strong, but weak and he realized that he could do nothing on his own. He was reliant upon God and the Holy Spirit working in him. Over and over again. He had no idea that his letters would become part of our Bible. He just wrote letters to encourage his friends and new believers. He didn’t do any of the things he did to become famous. He only did what he knew was right because he lived a changed life from the moment he had his encounter with Jesus. He did what he was led to do.

How can I take what Paul did and apply it to my life? I have always thought of myself as a strong person. In fact, I have taken pride in that. I was raised that way. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be self-reliant and with Jacky away so much of our life it served me well, but not to the point of being prideful about it. I remember when my dad died I overheard Jacky tell someone that I was fine because I am very strong. I loved hearing that but it also led me to an anxiety attack after my mom died because my efforts to remain strong did me in. I didn’t reach out to anyone, even Jacky, in my grief to say “I can’t handle this. It’s too much. I need help.” Never would I admit I needed help. We all need help. I need to accept my weakness. God wants me to be dependent on Him. He gave me loved ones to help me. He gave me His word to show me the way I should go. I don’t want to be strong any more. I want to be weak. I want to follow His lead. I want to submit to Him. That’s a hard thing to say, “submit” and even harder to do.

I have realized in the past few weeks, (I’m not saying the C word), that I have not been fearful because I have relied on Him. I have prayed, I have read, I have studied, and I have realized I am not in control and the times when I thought I was in control were just a mind trick I played on myself. I can live with the fruits of the spirit in my life: love, joy, peace, gentleness, patience, faithfulness, and self-control only if I am weak. I can’t do anything but “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9